silence ensues

　
　
. . . . . A new lucidity
floods our frontal lobes
Silence creates a spate of instant upon instant fundamental
insights
into the structure of existence
our investment is paying death-defying dividends
free at last we are happier with every breath
when suddenly noise
light sirens beeping alarms
your time is up
WHAT?
My silence is over?
Thread of thought unravels
All remains unrevealed as
noise of existence resumes
I must call my broker/priest
Put in an order for another decade of silence

Sure

What’s your bid?
Everything
Forever

poem by bill borneman

mennonite catholic

just tonight i broke bread
and opened a conversation
with a man who claims
to be a mennonite catholic
his relationship to catholicism
goes back to the 60s
when he was active in the peace movement

over lasagna salad some nice wine
and fresh baked bread
we spoke of many things
we spoke of his love for our liturgy
we spoke of his formulation of a psalter
for use in mennonite communities
morning and evening prayer
we spoke of music
we spoke of war

this new friend was in a car wreck in baghdad
where he was part or a proactive peace group
in 2003
working to interfere with the presuppositions of war
the car wreck was a death quality wreck
the car was totalled
that may mean something different in baghdad
i assume it was ransaked for parts
in the night
he told the story of being saved
by an off duty iraqi medic
and a doctor in a bombed out village
a muslim doctor
and he spoke of the return trip of
meeting the doctor and offering thanks
for the patching up the doctor did
was done in complete charity the clinic would accept no money
he spoke of being sewed up without anaesthetic
he spoke of the building project his church has taken on
to build for the village a little hospital
since theirs had been bombed by american bombers

i spoke of friendship of my family
of my life in the monastery

then i played some songs for him on my little guitar

these are things we never ask for
but they seem to happen

i once wrote a short story about a mennonite woman
but now i know a mennonite catholic
he seems a little bit like a presbyterian catholic i know
and a lutheran catholic i live with
what is next
baptist catholics
mormon catholics
muslim jews
voodoo anglican new age catholics

doesn't the catholic church have enough problems
with perversion
and now all this stuff going on

hybrids all over the place
god must be havin' a ball

the once well tended gardens
are starting to spread into each other
christians are getting lax
they don't seem to care who walks through their doors anymore
how are we to keep our sense of well defined identity
and why don't more people care about this terrible problem
now afflicting christendom
who do these people think they are

somebody's messin up the line in the sand

what if we woke up tomorrow and became
intensely aware
that there are no more christian controversies

we'd probably have to start a war
just to get used to the idea

i don't think i can take much more of this
i mean
how far away can a true union of hearts be
and then what
people start worshipping together
and confronting the wounds of the world together

isn't there something in thesmolushians
that says when they start praying together
the end of the world is near

maybe it's just a passing thing
the christians will get back to their real senses
before too long
and despise one another once again
the way jesus must've wanted it

this morning i gave a tour
to a group from the pius the Xth society (that's 10th)
these people are a breakaway group
under the spirit and memory of french bishop Lefebvre
and last year pope benedict lifted a decree
of excommunication for this group
(they had been ordaining their own priests)
these people don't like ecumenism at all
they don't like the fact that Vatican Council II happened
these people think they're holding on to the truth
and only they have it
i don't think they'd like my hybrid friends

why is it then that my hybrid friends
seem more catholic to me than these pius 10th people

help mister wizard
the world is wobbling out of control
i used to think i understood everything
now my mind is being forced to reconsider

there i was omniscient and happy as could be

surely the second coming is nigh

the best lack all conviction
and the worst are full of passionate intensity

and what rough beast (is this anyway)its hour come round at last
slouches toward bethlehem to be born

are there any rastafarian cowboy catholics

the 21st century warp and woof
of christendom is looking like
a kaleidescope held by a child

if this keeps up there'll be nothing left
to protest nothing to condemn
no more heresy
we'll die of boredom if that happens

can't people just get back to being righteous and sure about
what god intends for us
it was simpler then
and we knew who to hate
in the name of jesus
didn't he say something like that
know who to hate

i think i should get back to scripture
and explore the truth again
so that maybe i'll be ready to
proclaim the one true righteous church
when it comes around

is this where all the prayers and
expressions of faith have led -
to utter chaos

i may have to take some sleeping pills
just to forget what a terrible social organizer
god seems to be
i bet he doesn't have any consultants at all
he probably just works things out on his own terms
time to tell the holy spirit what's up

maybe it will all look different tomorrow when
i wake up

help mr. wizard
st jude
patron of hopeless causes
pray for us

signs of someone risen

i like to look around to see
if there is any evidence in life
of the resurrected lord on easter monday
a child on the edge of language
points to the sound of frogs
singing in a nearby swamp
a man in pain speaks his mind
laughter over foibles in the ranks of monks
the sound of the voice of a friend
an unexpected note from a sister
one green budding ladyslipper
on the bank of a cold swollen creek
a blog post
louder than a bomb
on sillimans' schtick
a young poet from new jersey
with a cookie in his mouth
utters kristoz anastazios
i heard
ziztohsz nwhastazio pif pif
just after midnight
a day unfolding in hope
like any other day
only better
a new icon in the sanctury
mary magdalen at the tomb
christ emerging hands marked with nailholes
she kneels she is beautiful
and he knows in his eyes
this love is here to stay
i can pray before this
and i see the prayer that went into it
a benedictine sister from jerusalem
with only this to do
something beautiful
that a man might pray

and they call this friday good

few of us are inclined to recount the most
wretched times in our lives
rather we seek to transcend or move beyond
the moments of shame of embarassment
of darkness
we'd rather not go there

why then do christians make it a point
to acknowledge the degradation
suffered by the one known to us as jesus?

is it simply a way of using religious analogy?
by exalting the cross
indeed venerating the cross
are we ignoring our own pain
and dealing with it indirectly
as if to say well i can't deal with my pain
but i can kneel at this cross
and hope jesus can deal with my pain
now that he's dealing so dramatically with his own

good friday highlights the necessity
of not escaping from human discomfort
the way beyond is the way in
this is different than finding ways
to achieve inner peace or to
face the world with calmness
after hours of meditation

while i believe it is possible to
discuss the drama of this day
in terms of "catharsis" there is no
guarantee that relief will come about
by merely attending to the ritual

something else is at work here

the awareness is at once accessible and
so mysterious as to evade simple explanation

christians down through the centuries have been adamant
that the locus of meaning for living in christ
is inescapably linked to the denegration of crucifixion
christ's death (and thus all death) takes on a new meaning
what appears to be a normal day in roman affairs
in maintaining law and order in palestine
actually becomes a day of inexpressible hope

for those who believe
the resolve of christ to go forth to this death
marks the hurdle the locked door the ever-widening gulf
--these now being challenges we can move beyond
only by stumbling over the hurdle
by pounding tearfully at the locked door
by diving headlong into the gulf

the idea of god stating in a new way:
i will not write for you new laws
but i will enter into the experience of the worst
human inhumanity and there i will establish my throne
i will be consecrated with a crown of thorns
i will rule from the place of degradation
i will be in the darkness of the darkest human soul
i will submit to death

in order to prove what?

even my prayer often rises with
indignity and cynical doubt

christians today follow the narrative
of a god who enters into the deepest despair
known to human living
a story of a king who shows himself willing to die
for his subjects

we may well ask:
is this what the world needs?
does anyone need this?

he did not deem equality with god
something to be grasped at
yet by carrying the cross
he displays an attitude we so often miss
the divine attitude of a willingness
to suffer to passionately strive to be one
with the worst we have to offer
the willingness to face directly the gaping bloody wounds
of a still broken humanity
and thereby redeeming those willing to be
honest about their need
and just maybe redeeming those who don't even know their need
or find themselves unwilling or unable to address the pain of life
in an honest way

this day is meant to highlight the injustices
the inexplicable suffering
the living hells of peoples' lives

blessed are those who know their need
for this kind of medicine
who find themselves willing to have this
cross erected in the dark regions of the heart
upon the golgotha of human minds
those who know year after year that
this friday is indeed

good

when jesus wept
the falling tear in mercy flowed
beyond all bound;
when jesus groaned
a trembling fear seized
all the guilty world around

- from the new england psalm singer, 1770