Wednesday, December 3, 2008
the tooth narrative
a while past a few blog posts back i revealed the fact that i was involved in an escapade known as tooth surgery where in one of my deficient teeth was removed and an implant put in i am now wearing the prosthetic temporary tooth all this brings back the historical drama ofa bar fight one drunken night in my 20's when my mouth met a drunk madmand's fist so now there's that and and my head is awash in pain relievers and just the mere fact of knowing i have this hole in my head yesterday i could actually feel my immune systen flooding me with tears and snot mostly and phlegm yes considerable phlegm human bioguck basically but the sleep has been real restful deep mattress hugging sleep into the place of blessed earthly unconsciousness that sublime place of dream and this morning a dream of a guitar recital for which i did not adequately prepare and i was scheming to blow people out of their chairs with guitar licks they ain nevuh heard before but it was just a dream and now i sit here typing words onto a screen and realize that anyone who reads this is in a way participating in the traumatic epistemological distortion of life known as dental surgery which is where i am at and what my mind is doing it will be a miracle to stop typing now and have so few typos i better qwit wiles i'iz ahed
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1 comment:
so is it the immune system
that does that?
that brings on the tears?
that sheds some light for me
i could never understand
why tears streamed down my face
all the way through the minor surgery
that installed a hickman catheter
into my chest prior to my bone marrow transplant
i thought perhaps it was an
emotional response
(and that may indeed have been part of it)
this surgery that prepared me
for the ordeal that was to come
was also a very real reminder
that my leukemia was real
and that i would soon be
leaving my home to spend
several months at city of hope
not knowing for sure
if i would ever return
i remember staring at the doctor
in disbelief when he told me of
the efforts they would go to
to minimize the visibility
of scarring on my chest
so that it wouldn't be obvious
when i was wearing a bathing suit
i'm just trying to survive here
i wanted to tell him
how i might look in a bathing suit
is the last thing on my mind
still, the involuntary tears
seemed disconnected from any
specific emotion
maybe it was the immune system
although i will not deny
that it can be disconcerting
to have a tube dangling
out of one's chest
or a hole in one's head
perptia is the word
st perpetua pray for us
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