the intuition for perfection

i searched my mind for a term that might
be preferable to "intuition"

"sense" comes to mind

"mental predilection"

however
the word intuition
taken in its proper sense
serves to give the meaning
i am working with here

for it seems that we are born with
a curiosity for doing things well
and some things at which we excell
we wish to do as well as we possibly can

in sport
in intellectual endeavor
in love
in artistic work
in professional criteria
in entertainment

when i was learning to play
the six sonatas for solo cello by j s bach
on the guitar
i had in me an inner sense of
what it would take to render these
pieces perfectly
the same was true for the 3 partitas
and 3 sonatas for solo violin
of which i only learned one of each

even before i had heard
anner bylsma
or yo yo ma
or pablo casals
or julian bream
i was driven by
and motivated by
an inner working principle
for which i had no name
it was more than simply a musical aesthetic
i had played bach on the piano in my early musical training
so i had a sense of how intricate and
complicated it could be

and i suppose those sorts of challenges
grip a young person
no matter what he or she is working with

looking back i can only say that i "heard"
what it was supposed to sound like
long before i could approach that sense of
actually accomplishing the task
and it was a matter of learning
about the phrasing
about the qualities inherent in
the articulation of counterpoint
about "the doctrine of affections"
and about baroque musical practice in general
before i was able to say at some point
"there" that is it

for me this happened in a chapel
in Washington DC in a concert i played
for the Sisters of the Visitation
i had the distinct sense of having
climbed to a summit
and i was completely at home there
and i know i can go there again
(though i have not gone there in a while...at least not on the classical guitar)

thus i state this personal narrative
in order
to give an example of my intuition for perfection
every potter
every painter
every landscape architect
every woodworker
every practitioner of the crafts
every (philosophical) musician
every liturgist (every terrorist?)
every novelist
every poet
every lover
every culinary dilletante
every parent
every priest
every scholar
every surgeon

each are motivated by a sense of doing something
very well
and equally motivated by an inner sense of what it would mean
to do their work poorly

some children display this sense of wanting
to get things perfect very early in their development
others grow into an often idiosyncratic but most often
very interesting sense of creating things with a sense of perfection in mind

the point here is that we as humans give ourselves over to
a practice of perceiving and working with the value
we can call only perfection

st thomas aquinas highlights this human trait
in an effort to show
that there must therefore be an
ULTIMATE PERFECTION

for when all is said and done
concerning the perfection which governs
and motivates us in our artistic and
living pursuits
there is left for us to consider what it might mean
to have perfection of life

we live lives that are marked with trouble
and the flaws of ourselves and others
are understood in terms of what life might be like
were those faults and flaws not so evident
were we not hampered by anxiety and disease

it is at this point that thomas
discusses the "transcendental values"
linked to our sense of perfection

truth is one such value
to speak of relative truth
is to speak of contradiction
truth carries with it that sense
that if it is true it is true not just for me
but for all people and for all time

when we seek the truth we are driven
by the very spirit that motivates us
in our pursuit of perfection

the good
the beautful
the one

what is left is for us to consider
in fact
to ask ourselves
'are these transcendental values
of any value for me?'

the lover
if he is worth his weight
seeks to love perfectly
seeks to know the good
the beautiful
the truth
in the oneness with his beloved

(and thus we learn that the blues have a
therapeutic necessity about them
they help us to sing our failures
in a way no other form has quite been able to offer)

if we pray
we have that sense that
there is a perfect way to pray
it may be a lifetime learning it
it may be the profound acceptance of
spiritual failure
and the guiding hope
that in this life alone
there is not time or skill enough
but i will know
the perfection my heart craves
and that itself may be the great motivation for prayer

and thus thomas asserts
that this intution for perfection
if considered honestly
is "proof" that god exists

i must add that thomas distinguishes his proof
from the "ontological proof" of st anselm

anselms' "proof" states
that it is possible for the human mind
to consider the ultimate "thing"
even while not actually beholding that "thing"
with the senses
yet the mind can conceive of their being
an ultimate being

god is:
"that which no greater can be conceived (or thought)"

i prefer thomas's proof
because it lends itself to something more
visceral
something working deep within the human soul
something that could cause us to sweat and strain
to drive ourselves to exhaustion
to travel great distances
to risk injury
once we get a line on a taste for
what it would be like
to be experiencing perfection