i know i did not sleep well last night
i know the day is grey with cloud cover
where i live
and the trees are set against
the sky in black relief
i know i type words on a keypad
and they appear on the screen before me
i know my desire for love
was strong this morning
i know i dreamt before
i returned to consciousness
i know the first words
from my mind this morning
the ones that made it to
intentional transferral
were
it's about sunlight
i know i was intensely irritated
by a man using the electric shredder
i know i will play my guitar this morning
i know i am incapable of
walking the steep path alone
although i have no illusions
that it may well come to that
if this should sum up
a present epistemological contentment
then i will go from here
and begin the acts
which will constitute my day
the chances are quite good
that i will observe
the darkening of the day
and face once again
the deep disturbance
loves' storm-tossed sea
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the occasional rantings and bantering of a poet-cum-philosopher-cum-musician-cum-theologian-cum-traveller in time and space...in short... an epistemological nomad...with a guitar
4 comments:
i know you have a friend
i know you have many good friends
i know there are many who love you
who desire your well-being
who hold you in prayer on a gray day
who would like nothing better
than to walk the steep path with you
the color gray
reminds me
of art therapy
the two sessions i attended
were highlights
in a long gray period
after my bone marrow transplant
when i was out of the hospital
but not yet returned to normal life
in limbo, as it were.
i would survive, it appeared,
but to to what end?
i had not learned
the art of contentment
that you allude to here
the art teacher asked us
"what color do you think of
when you think of anger?"
and we painted with that color
for a while
and then we painted with the colors
of love, fear, pain, peace
she asked what color came to mind
when we thought of spirituality
BLACK was my first thought
and that scared me
(what would God think?)
so i tempered it with white
and painted something gray
but gray didn't last forever
what sweet words
life is really OK
but i know my hearts' deep craving
and to have the words
of one who knows
is like some color
in an otherwise
grey day
spent the day with francisco
yesterday
it casued me soem depression
but i think i see the sun
on the otherside
of the grey overcast sky
i'm going to ski out on
the new snow on the lake tonite
i'll think of your warm thoughts
i'm envious of your snow
and your lake
we had quite a bit of snow
several weeks ago
but it always came
at a time when i was either
too busy or too sick
to go outside
and play
i hope we'll get some more
on lazy weekend
br. john
Just now catching up and reading some on your blog.
So glad that you're writing and processing your thoughts. I 'm very proud of you in your transparency and honesty.
Many days I relive the beauty of being at sj's and life we had there. I long for it esp now when I wish to ski and have a quiet hour on the trails or the lake.
But, reality is here.
press on friend!
Lent is a proving to be deep and solemn, as intended.
~heb
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